my new headlamp is going places!

I always knew I'd be going places, and now I've found the way to get there! My new headlamp is taking me places, i tell you. Last night I made it up the hill to my house IN THE DARK! Now tell me, isn't that a good headlamp?

texas highways

i've been up since 6:00 working with either a scrub brush, toothbrush or broom in hand. the student houses get inspected every week and if we don't pass we're required to clean the house for 8 hours on our freeday. it's not supposed to be a "fun" day, so the girls have all been pretty quiet...which allows me a few moments to slip into my own world.
for some odd reason every time i space my mind has conjured up images of the small towns, hay bales, dairy queens, and gas stations off highway 6 between Waco and College Station or I59 headed towards Conroe. these are the roads i drove the most during college - headed towards church in The Woodlands or home to Dallas...also where i got every one of my speeding tickets. why my mind is taking me to these roads, i don't know; i usually space about white walls or swimming pools full of fettucine alfredo. i live on a tropical mountainside with a view of a lush valley and quaint town, yet all day i've been homesick for the flat, bare, brown terrain of texas. maybe i should head towards haiti this weekend....

breaking point

i realize now that i've tried to be super-human these past two weeks - doing everything that's been asked of me without admitting my weakness or asking for help. i seriously thought i could do it all, and i tried to, which meant working during my time off and losing a lot of sleep. so at about 5:00 yesterday afternoon, after having worked 12 hours straight with only 2.5 hours of sleep the night before, i was getting ready to pick up the girls from school for another 5 hours of work when i snapped and had my most unprofessional moment ever. in front of THREE bosses i threw my papers in the air and stormed out of the office in tears. i think that in a lot of businesses that would be grounds for getting fired, so i thank God for working in a ministry that practices the Matthew 18 principle of going back to people, forgiving, and encouraging oneanother.
help is coming. my houseparents from this past year will not be returning to the D.R., and since i literally cannot keep running the house alone, relief houseparents from our headquarters in Marion, IN are coming to work in Starr until new houseparents can be trained. my world doesn't stop rocking - since i committed to this ministry there has always been some sort of challenge that keeps me crying out to God AND others. truly, as children of God, it is his WILL, His heart's plan and desire, for us to depend on, rebuke, forgive, comfort, exhort, love and serve oneanother - because it gives Him glory. i'm not giving Him glory if i don't take care of myself, or am not being vulnerable enough to confess my needs to the family of God. so i confess this to you, as well. please continue to pray for me. and praise God for the help coming. :)

Nelson Mandela:

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are we not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you."

thanks

in the past 5 days i've worked 68 hours!!! THAT'S CRAZY!!! i've only cried about 10 times, which is actually really good for me seeing how sleep deprived i've been (lack of sleep makes me a blubbering baby).
i just want to thank y'all. God has really blessed me with a good attitude and perseverence. i was getting discouraged on monday because of how little contact i was having with the girls (not being able to sit and talk with them) due to all the paperwork and supervising i needed to do. but i spent all day yesterday hanging out with them on our freeday and then 4 hours macheting grass this morning. so even though all the "work" is hard, God is being gracious to give me the time i've been needing with the girls to make my existence here more meaningful than babysitting. thank you for the prayers you're praying and the verses of encouragement y'all have sent my way.

my dominican experience for the day

so i just spent about 45 minutes raking through our trash pit - a big hole in the ground where we dump all our trash (it gets burned every few months). i lost a piece to our Kitchen Aid - a handy-dandy do it all mixing, grating, whipping device that housemoms adore. just my luck that i lost the small piece that plugs all the gadgets in. this finger size piece was missing friday, and saturday i realized that i had accidently thrown it into our trash can, but by that time it had begun pouring rain and continued until today. so all decked out in my hot pink, knee high rain boots and an a-frame tank top (it seemed an appropriate time to dress trashy) with a rake in hand i sifted through days of trash, mud and magots. thankfully the cat-size rats only come out at night. after the bathroom trash almost made me lose my lunch a few times i figured i could afford buying a new piece. so, Virginia, if you're reading this, i'm sorry, but you will have a shiny new plug-in piece when you come back.