the dance

i've gotten a bit stuck with this blog - not knowing what to post because there's so many new and overwhelming things i could write about. so since i don't know how to pick just one...i'll name a few: new houseparents have moved in (which also means new housemates); my good friends, josh and tammy, moved to georgia; my mom sent me pickles; a hurricane hit texas; a hurricane hit my room; a boy is coming to visit me in 7 weeks; i only have 4 months of my contract left; my care group, consisting of 5 women, rocks my world; my girls are emotionally sucking me dry.

i've been praying to step outside of my perspective - if i were to look at my life solely through my eyes i would be an emotional wreck. my reality is so skewed, my vision is too blurred to see the dynamics of a God who is unchanging in his character, but fluid in his movement. not until recently have i begun to grasp what it means to keep "in step with the Spirit", what it looks like to surrender theologies, preferences, and expectations. yes, God is a solid and sure foundation, a calm in the storm, our rock...but...BUT he's also a rushing wind, the spring of life, a warrior - living, active and most often unpredictable. have i reduced this journey to books (others' perspectives), formulas (others' solutions), quiet times (too often an exclusive solution), or a label (others' prognosis)? i cannot admit to being anywhere close to understanding what i'm saying, but i know that i've been asleep and unaware to the fluidity of God's ways. there's a stirring in my spirit that i've been missing something - a dance he's invited me to, but i've been too stuck looking at my handicapped feet instead of looking up into his eyes as he leads me. the handicap is my own religion. the dance is love.

C.S. Lewis:

"if i find in myself a desire which no

experience in this world can satisfy.

the most probable explanation is that

i was made for another world."

i don't find it inconsequential that i stumbled upon this quote today after just writing the previous post about my "need" for adventure. i absolutely believe my Father refreshes and speaks to me by being in the outdoors and experiencing new things, but i'm guilty of substituting adventure for His Word. the love song and life manual has been replaced by me constantly "doing" or "going". i've said before that i feel more rested/refreshed after hiking instead of rocking on my porch and reading. or when was the last time i just sat and breathed in and out thoughts and prayers of life, Jesus, and this messy world? (yoga hasn't reached this country) lewis is right - of course - that there is no experience in this world that will satisfy. the theology of ecclesiastes is that we don't experience God through His gifts; rather that without God in His grace allowing us to enjoy life and everything in it, our every effort towards enjoyment is an empty attempt for fufillment.

the adventures continue

i told my care group today that God has wired me to spiritually experience Him and the "abundant life" through adventures. i get bored with the day-to-day if at least once a week i'm not physically challenged, meet new people, or see and read a new thing. so this past saturday i decided to tackle the art of motorcycle driving. i was doing great for the first hour until going around a curve i tried to downshift and break at the same time (too much eye, hand and feet coordination at once), and i "layed the bike down" as my friend, jill, who was teaching me likes to say. in reality, i fell down and the bike layed on top of me. don't freak out, mom! you'll be happy to know that i got right back on it! :) it wasn't until later that i realized my hand was so swollen i couldn't even hold a pen. i don't know how i'm going to be the next Che Guevara if i wuss out over a bruised hand....

the good life

i've set upon a worthless stack
of my ambitious plans
the people that i've loved the most
have turned their backs and ran
lonliness has left me searching
for someone to love
poverty has changed my view
of what true riches are
sorrow's opened up my eyes
to see what real joy is
PAIN HAS BEEN THE CATALYST
TO MY HEART'S HAPPINESS
this is the good life


-mark stuart

teenage fusion ninja turtles

our week of retreat kicked off tonight. this is a time of spiritual emphasis on our campus filled with games, sports, workshops, and times of worship and teaching - very similar to a summer camp. it's a time when several of our students make decisions to accept Christ. PLEASE be in prayer over our student and staff body. and pray for me as i have several responsibilities this week - one being the team captain of the ninja turtles. we were originally the "fuses", but thought that was boring and difficult to rhyme with, so we changed it to the fusion ninja turtles. we even have eye masks! our theme is how God is our power source and He generates life. so many of our students carry the heavy burden of emptiness and lifelessness, so i'm really excited about where our speaker is going to take this.
i'll keep y'all updated.